STRESS

Well after an insane week of dealing with losing a friend that I didn't always get along with, and a whole wack of adoption nonsense-I am exhausted and stressed beyond anything I have felt before. I have lots to update you on. Where to start is the trouble.
We are unmatching with our birthmom. wow. I can't believe we are doing it but we are-here is the story-I got a phone call last night from a lady here in BC who has adopted two AA girls from the US, and is working on her third. She also is working with Choices our BC agency (grrr more about them later) She said that she was talking with Jeanna -the coordinator we were hoping to use in SC, Jeanna gave her my phone # and we chatted for two and half hours lastnight. She told me about a situation in Indianna of a birthmom who is desperatly trying to find a family for her baby due in July. She had chosen two families but one backed out because of a family emergency and the other she found out was just matched. We started talking about this and realized that it was probably my agency ABL because that is who Jeanna works with and that maybe it was us she chose because we had just been matched. So this morning I spoke with Jeanna-yes it is ABL our agency and they have two AA birthmoms with no families stepping up to be presented to them. wow again. So Jeanna phoned and talked to Laronda who is taking over for Tina my worker this week while she is away. Laronda phoned me and we had a really long chat and basically this is what is happening-ABL made the mistake by sending our profile to a CC birthmom and they have 15 other families waiting for a white baby. Remember-no families waiting for the two AA babies. SO she said that it was our decision either way and that they would support us whatever we decided. I told her how Les and I feel and where we were coming from-why we specified AA and not CC but how we would have been willing to take a CC baby if that is what God asked us to do. She also went on to say that the birthmom we are matched with is showing signs of possibly changing her mind. Then she told me that Joan from Choices had spoken with her this morning to say that we can't take this baby because they haven't signed off on our homestudy that they have had since Feb. Why? Because we haven't taken the education seminar which is mandatory in BC. Hmmm they told me that we didnt have to go to a seminar that we could do it by correspondense and I had spoken with three different people there in the last two week and they all told me that we were good to go-everything was done and our file wasn't missing anything. GGRRRRRRRR!! So this is the third time they have lied to me. So the next seminar is June 14th-the CC baby is due June 6th-we can't leave the country with the baby unless ABL has the signed copy of our homestudy. Choices won't sign and send it until we have done the education part. So basically we can't take this baby. And we feel that this is a sign from God to pursue the other babies -they are due in July-our homestudy would be signed etc...
Now if you have not been following my blog I am going to repost an old post about a devotion I read when I was struggling to make a decision and I want you to think about what it says and how it can apply to this decision

"Consider what God has done; Who can straighten what He has made crooked?" Eccl. 7:13

God often seems to place His children in places of deep difficultty, leading them into a corner from which there is no escape. He creates situations that human judgement, even if consulted, would never allow. Yet the cloudniness of the circumstance itself is used by Him to guide us to the other side. Perhaps this is where you find yourself even now. You situation is filled with uncertainty and is very serious, but it is perfectly right. The reason behind it will more than justify Him who brought you here, for it is a platform from which God wil display His almighty grace and power. He not only will deliver you but in doing so will impart a lesson that you will never forget. And in days to come, you will return to the truth of it with singing. You will be unable to thank God enough for doing exaclty what He has done.

Wow, seems to me that most people would think we were crazy for turning down a situation-maybe we are, but maybe it was a test to see if we would stand up for what we believe in and to stand by the commitments and decisions we had made(only taking an AA/biracial baby)
Either way we have prayed about it and thought about it all night and all day today and we feel that we are meant to make ourselves available to the AA birthmoms. Please pray for us that God would send His conformation and we would know that we were doing His will-because ultimatly it doesn't matter what color of skin, what gender or where God sends us a baby from-so long as we are doing what He wants thats all that matters to me.
So I need to let ABL know by tommorow what we decided. This has got to be one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make-so many lives will be affected by our choice. It is a huge burden. I feel so torn, yet I know where my heart is-even if it means waiting longer. And yet I still feel for our birthmom-how sad to pick a family and then have them say they don't want your baby. I guess its not going to come accross like that-they will say its because of our agency. But still I feel really awful. At the same time it never felt right which is why I never sent our match agreement and money yet. sigh. I don't want this responsibility.

Anyways. Life is insanly busy trying to talk to all these agencies and figure out what is going on, as well as raise my family and get my husband to his job, pick up the cats from the vet(ouch that bill hurt!) I went to a young moms group at a church inWilliams Lake that we tried out a couple of weeks ago-Les's boss is in Williams Lake and has shown some interest in God so we thought we should try out a few churches there in case he wants to go, we could have a place to recommend him too and take him to if he wanted. The moms group was great! 15 moms with younger children and sooo friendly! I am definatly going back again!
Tommorow night I have a princess house show-my home based business that is sometimes more trouble than its worth! lol!
Anyways thats all I guess-I am weary and am going to bed!
Blessings